Hard week. Can you tell? I haven’t posted in days. It’s been one of those anniversary weeks where a bunch of junk has come out of the background noise, where it usually sits, to the fore of my brain, distracting me and wearing me out.
This has been accompanied by a small surge of emails and contacts from people who’re reading this blog. One of the really hard thing about doing this blog is hearing from so many people – I’m astonished how many people have contacted me! – to tell me “I’m going through this,” or, “My close family member is going through it. The really upsetting thing is the acknowledgment of depression in 100% of the people I’m hearing from.
And being angry for you compounds my anger – because I’m really angry for me, right now.
The balance of holding on to my joie de vivre, my joy of living, is sometimes fragile. Weeks like this, the memories of incidents, words, attitudes are vividly close. Believe me – I get depression.
But I am not willing to let DH have me this way. I mean, holding on to my anger and resentment like one of our daughters used to cling to her “blankie” doesn’t inflict a moment’s unease or discomfort on him. It only eats away at me – at my soul.
So I – so you, too – have to let go. This letting go is the practical process of forgiveness. It’s refusing to cling to the hurt. It’s recognizing that rampaging about what a selfish bastard he is doesn’t have the minutest impact on him – but it will rot me from the inside out and turn me into something bitter, selfish, hostile and ugly if I don’t let go.
Forgiveness means recognizing that there’s really only one justice for us – and that’s the justice of the Judgment Seat of Christ. He’ll get his, on that Day…
And so will I, by golly! So I’ve got to keep laying it down. Every time it sneaks up on me and throws itself in my way, trying to dominate my thoughts and feelings – I’ve got to lay it down.
Our Lord told Peter – we have to be willing to forgive 70 x 7. That’s not for 70×7 offenses – it’s 70 x 7 for a single event. Every time the bitterness rises, when our gorge rises… that’s one time of forgiveness. Now we have 70 x 7… minus 1 to get through.
But this really does have a redemptive value. This really, truly does serve to our good. Here’s another verse for you: all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord… (Rom. 8:28) All things. God will take our sorrows and wounds and sufferings and use them for our greater good and for His greater glory…
But we have to begin with forgiving.
Surviving The Rainbow 
Thank you for being here. I’m one of those wives who’s being told to support her transgender husband — as if I have no other value in life except as the 24/7 onsite support staff. And being told that I should open my mind and try to find her sexually attractive? Does anyone tell gay people that they should just open their minds and try to find a heterosexual partner? I’m all in favour of everyone having their own lives — but why doesn’t that include me?
I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to get into all that. But there honestly seems to be nothing in the way of support for women who aren’t interested in staying married to another woman.
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Wives of “T-girls” have sets of issues all your own. I’m certainly seeing a LOT of manipulation and coercion at play against the heterosexual wives.
I’m sorry – You DEFINITELY are more than a “support service” for a severely disordered and selfish individual. I believe the actual term would be “enabler.”
You have, in a very real way, been abandoned. When you married, your husband promised to “Love, Honor, Cherish,” but the transgender process violates every single one of those promises. It would not be inappropriate to inform people of this when they’re stupid enough to insult you.
Are you now separated/divorced? In your state, does the whole transgender issue entitle the heterosexual spouse to life support (alimony)?
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