For such a small, neglected, and insignificant little blog, I hear from a surprising number of women fairly regularly. This always surprises me. Someone takes time to post a comment, or to send me an email . . .
The recurring theme of the messages I receive from other women is that of feeling isolated. “No one knows . . .” they say.
They’re right. No one who hasn’t been through a marriage and divorce with a gay man has any idea what we go through. It’s a subtle and insidious form of abuse, what we live with in the marriage
And, as one woman recently pointed out, when we divorce a gay man, the social reaction is different. A woman divorces a man who’s been committing adultery, everyone sympathises with her, supports her, sympathises with her in the sense of the betrayal she’s experienced, the humiliation . . .
But when a woman divorces a man for being gay, or he leaves her for another man, the ex-wife is completely overlooked in the general rush to applaud the man for being gay.
That’s all that matters in this society — he’s gay, he’s got to be the hero. Isn’t it wonderful! isn’t it good! He has finally been able to come out and to live honestly. Now he can be happy – – –
So it’s terribly lonely, even more so than a regular divorce. And, as this same (very astute) woman pointed out to me, “I know a lot of women who’ve gone through divorces, but none of them have a gay (or transgender) husband.” So our situation is odd and we go through it very much alone.