My friend Gina – her husband left her about ten years ago for another man – ugly, ugly situation. Her doctor gave Gina something to “help her relax.” The drug was Ativan — and he’s had her on it for EIGHT YEARS.
There’s something unconscionable and unethical about putting a patient on an addictive drug for that long.
And did Gina need it in the first place?
Look, of COURSE your nerves are shot — you’ve been living with a homosexual – a misogynist – for how many years? And now you know the insanity you’ve been blaming on yourself (and he’s probably been blaming you for) is because he’s homosexual? and the earth is rocking and rolling under your feet and you don’t know which end is up and at any minute you’re absolutely sure you’re going to toss your cookies?
WELL, DUH — of COURSE YOUR NERVES ARE FRAYED. OF COURSE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS GOING BATSHIT CRAZY.
IT is — not you.
And so you toss your cookies. Is it really the worst thing that can happen to you? Personally, I think continuing to live with a psychologically abusive and severely disturbed spouse is far, far more undesirable.
Look. You can take the immediately easy way out and medicate with booze or prescription drugs in order to numb the immediate oh-God-I’m-losing-my-mind feelings. But I’m telling you, you’ll still have to face the music when you sober back up or the prescription expires. And if you’re on the junk long enough, you’ll have compounded problems, coming off the crutch AND facing your reality all at one time.
Problem is, the crisis doesn’t go away just because your brain checks out for a while. It will sit and wait for you, however long you try to run away from it.
It’s a LOT easier to grit your teeth and just body-surf through the batshit crazy until you can find some terra firma to plant your feet on. It takes ten times as much work to pull yourself BACK together as it would have done simply to hang on for dear life in the first place. Yes, that’s a borrow from Mockingjay — in which book too damn many needles are used to get Katniss and Finnick — to CONTROL THEM instead of healing them. Because, dammit all, it’s so much easier to drug your way through a crisis than it is to have to think and work your way through. Until you sober up and the emotional upheaval is still right there waiting to say GOTCHA!
Stay sober. Honestly.