Why I Oppose Gay Marriage — Part Two: The Children

I’m more than contented to let Robert Oscar Lopez and Dawn Stefanowicz and their various colleagues reveal to the world the intricate and painful realities of growing up in a gay household. As a straight spouse, I’m concerned with something a bit more basic:

Gay households deprive children the opportunity of learning to orient toward the same and opposite sex in wholesome ways.

I think it bears repeating:  homosexuality isn’t about sex; it’s about one’s orientation toward the same and the opposite sex in all dimensions of human relationship.  Kids need to see the camaraderie, the collegiality that can exist in opposite-sex friendships. They need to get a sense of a wholesome and emotionally healthy identity of masculine-feminine. They need to observe heterosexual relationships. They need to get a sense of the complementarity of masculine and feminine natures.

This just isn’t offered in gay households. The gay community is insular. There aren’t many who, given the choice, mingle with heterosexuals. That means their children are overwhelmingly socialized amongst homosexuals, not heterosexuals.  And homosexuals’ dynamic is rooted in what the late Leanne Payne referred to as the rejection of the True Masculine/True Feminine. Consequently, kids raised in a gay household are not going to be emotionally and psychologically grounded in their own gender identity.

I think this is overwhelmingly revealed in California, where the earliest pediatric transgender cases hitting the news media are the kids of lesbian couples — boys becoming girls.

But even apart from such drastic examples (which, in my opinion, are worse than unethical – they are criminal and should result in the children being removed from that household and placed in protective custody), imagine the self-doubt that occurs in kids who have gay parents!  Kids go through a phase, in early puberty, of intense friendship.  This experience is healthy and normal; a century or so ago, it was not uncommon for girls to have crushes on women teachers or other role models, to walk around with an arm around one another. . .  now that ordinary, wholesome experience has been sexualized to the detriment of our children.  “If Mom/Dad is gay, does this mean I’m gay, too?”

Kids bond with their parents.  That means it has to be so much harder for the daughter of a gay man to learn to bond with heterosexual men; she simply doesn’t know what real masculinity looks and feels like, she’s thoroughly oriented — imprinted — through her relationship with her father.

Now, these concerns are not irreversible. Gay parents could be proactive, taking the initiative to socialize their kids with their own heterosexual friends.  But will they? None of the ones I know think it’s anything to bother about.

Still here

I just concluded a conversation with a new friend who, it turned out, knows this blog.  He told me I have more people watching it than I realized —- and that some had assumed that maybe I’d changed my mind about gay marriage, the whole fight, really, because I’ve been inactive so long.

I’ve not.  My opinions are not only unchanged since I began this blog, I find them being more and more strongly confirmed as more men and women come out with their own stories about toxic marriages to gays, or the sufferings of their being raised by gay parents.

The embarrassing truth of it is that having sole responsibility for this blog and being so immersed in this subject matter is oppressive to my spirit.  I live with depression (and, btw, I have yet to meet a former spouse of a homosexual who doesn’t also battle The Black Dog) and sometimes I have to budget my low energy levels as miserly as I can in order to cover the necessities.

But I’m so grateful — no, I’m still sitting here well after midnight shaking my head . . . simply amazed at being known and recognized and  told “Oh, yeah, you’re quite well known among my friends —” —

So let me take a moment to tell you all hello, and to thank you for looking for this blog and for your prayers and whatever positive thoughts you’ve had about what I do, here.

I’ve been collecting things to post here.  I’m looking for a couple other women to post, as well.  I won’t abandon this blog completely — even though sometimes I find I don’t have energy sufficient to post.

The fight really is just beginning.

Ineffible Grief

I’m not at all sure what has set it off this time.  I thought it was long since resolved. I thought I’d made peace with my losses, past and future, and with the alternative life I’ve seen stretched out before me.

But something has set it off.  Maybe it was seeing something from my daughter and realizing how badly damaged she is.  The sweet, gentle-spirited, loving girl has grown up to be a crass, defiant, almost-militant woman who, it is obvious, has embraced her daddy’s causes and still can’t get him to take her seriously.

Dear God! How long and how far must the hurt and the wreckage be flung?

It’s bad enough I’m damaged beyond repair. I know I’ll never be able to trust my own judgment about men, or the honesty or integrity of a relationship.  And, yes, I still have periods of grieving for the loss of the old dreams of a close (and large) family. Of love. I still resent having been used, reduced to being less than a person in my own right just so he’d have someone to hide behind. I resent the psychological abuses he inflicted on me so that when I needed help I trusted no one, not even for a long time my own judgment. I resent, still, that he had to be protected at all costs.

Because the cost has proven far too great.

Now that cost involves our children, who didn’t ask to be born, but whom he’s manipulated and used and abused to hide behind, even now.  Nothing is his fault, he will not face his own failures and responsibility – everything is “your choice,” said with a sneer and a look of utter contempt. He will always think of them as he has done of me: as idiots.  Useful idiots, perhaps, but idiots all the same.

And I can’t help my children, even less than I can help myself.  And I don’t know how to climb out of this pit of grief.

LGBT vitriol

I questioned why the professional community taxed with screening gender reassignment candidates has not been more capable of recognizing the severe dysfunctions operating in the LGBT community, particularly in those lesbian households that are putting little boys on the transgender trainwreck. But perhaps the answer to that lies here:

“. . . the aggression shown by the LGBT community toward people who question whether children should prepare to have their genitals surgically altered and be injected with massive doses of hormones is such that clinicians are terrified to continue searching for the truth.”

The original article is available from the Wall Street Journal, but they demanded I subscribe before I could access the article.  I’m not in the market for a paid subscription of a work I only use a few times a year, rather than daily, cover to cover.

The LGBT community certainly is aggressive, even hostile, in the face of opposition.  Last week I posted a story by Janna Darnelle about her experiences divorcing, or being divorced by, a man who’d decided to come out of the closet.  Later in the week, this article appeared with an update, revealing that, in the aftermath of Janna’s article’s publication, and widespread sharing on the internet, the Gay Mafia has gone berserk with trying to punish her.

I highly recommend Rivka’s update, full of great information and insights such as this one:

“You want to marry a man and you are a man? Society does not owe you women’s children, women’s eggs, or women’s bodies.”

I would add, ” . . . or our hearts and souls.”

Recommended article: The Soul-Crushing Scorched-Earth Battle for Gay Marriage

No, it doesn’t have anything to do, directly, with the ex-wives of gays. But one can extrapolate a LOT about the mentality of the “gay rights” movement, which reflects very directly on the attitude directed toward women (especially We The Ex-Wives) and the attitude that any method of control is acceptable because, after all, no one else matters.

Robert Oscar Lopez wrote an article in which he used his experiences and observations as a young man raised by his mother and her lesbian partner to defend the recent sociological study by Mark Regnerus which outlines the problems of children growing up in same-sex, gay households. That article is entitled “Growing Up with Two Moms: The Untold Children’s View,” and it’s here, for your reading pleasure. Or angst – there is always the risk of pain when we enter these territories.

Well, Lopez has taken a veritable verbal beating from the gay community for having the integrity to stand up and publicly state, “I bear significant scars as a consequence of being raised by two lesbians.” This demonstrates a great deal about the overall, militant disposition of the gay community at large, which we need to be aware of — especially those of us who are still raising children.

Lopez’s further response , and further reflections on the inherently violent, take-no-prisoners tactics of the gay movement, is the immediately recommended article which appeared here this week in American Thinker.

Violent? That guy who shot the security guard at the conservative, Christian-based Family Research Council in Washington, yesterday, was angry and resentful over the FRC’s opposition to gay marriage.

I earnestly urge you to read both articles. Take them to your lawyer if you’re still engaged in custody battle. Take them to your children’s pediatricians and clinical psychologists –

And, if I may be so nosy and bossy and presumptuous, if you don’t get a supportive response from either of those professionals, you might want to read the writing on the wall and recognize that these people have bought into the lies that the gays are promoting in order to further their agenda. That is, they are more concerned with promoting the party politic than with protecting your child – and do not deserve your patronage any longer. You need, and are worthy of (I hate the phrase, “you’re entitled…”) professional services that help you protect your children and minimize the trauma and confusion that comes of having a gay parent.

The risk is real: I did not understand what I was up against when DH and I divorced. I did not believe he would ever be so ungodly…   and to this day, he insists to our daughters that his being gay had nothing to do with our divorce, and our older daughter is now very much a heterosexual, “fag hag” gay activist of sorts – at least, a very vocal proponent of gay rights, and an utterly miserable woman.

Personal experience biasing my vision? Possible. But if it happened to me, you are not immune.

Think about it. And God bless you.

 

Out From Under – an important book about children

Stefanowicz, Dawn. Out from Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting. Wine Press Books, 2007.

Dawn Stefaniwicz: Out From Under

I haven’t read this book yet, but the interview of author Dawn Stefanowicz for Catholic World Report has me in near tears. I can’t read the interview without thinking of my own daughters and remembering the terrible tug of war they were caught in, and how helpless and ineffectual I was in protecting them – in large part because I wanted to “be nice,” but also because I simply was incapable of recognizing how deeply depraved my DH had become.

The issue of children in a marriage to a homosexual is a topic I know I need to address, but it’s bitterly difficult.

You’ll want to read this interview. It’s a good starting place, at least.